October 30, 2009
Lame Excuse for Halloween
I was looking for ways to keep from worrying, so I decided to go to a Halloween party. It’s been years since I’ve gone to any kind of party and I really wasn’t in much of a fun mood – wasn’t going to dress up, due to lack of money.
My best friend called me complaining that she had to go to a party and dress up like a character from a movie but didn’t want to spend a lot of money on a costume. So I looked up some simple Halloween costumes for her. As I explored some ideas for her, I began looking for something I might also be able to pull off without spending much money.
I decided to go as a “Lame Excuse.” You probably can’t see it in the picture, but there is a Gryphon on my shoulder with a sign that says, “Lame Excuse. Need one? Take one.” I put fiberfill around my leg, wrapped an ace bandage around it and carried a cane. Then I cut a garbage bag into a vest and taped excuses all over it. (Click here for directions on how to make a Lame_Excuse_Costume)
It was a fun way to break the ice with people I didn’t know. One woman followed me around reading off some of my excuses. That produced giggles and comments like, “That sounds familiar,” or “I’ll have to remember that one!” I didn’t spend any money on the costume, just pulled together things I had around the house.
I actually won an award for one of the Best Halloween Costumes. At the end of the party, I gave my costume to the woman who had so much fun following me around reading the excuses. A friend of mine told me that was an indication of what a good person I am. Though I’d like to accept the compliment, it sounds a little odd: “Gee, you’re such a good person, you’d give a stranger the garbage bag off your back!”
Thought you’d have fun reading some of the excuses I taped to my vest:
I can’t come to work today because my car ran out of gas on the way to work. While I was pushing it to a gas station, I got a stomach hernia and now I have to go see my doctor.
I can’t come to work today because I’ve used all of my sick days and I’m calling in dead.
I can’t come to work today because I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.
I can’t come to work today because constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I can’t come to work today because I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out green!
I can’t come to work today because my front door fell off my house and I was afraid someone might steal my stuff!
I can’t come to work today because my cat is lonely and stressed out and if I don’t spend quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture!
I didn’t come to work because I forgot to.
I can’t come to work today, or maybe never, because I just got a letter saying that I may have won 20 million dollars.
I can’t come to work today because my toilet exploded and I have to wait for a plumber!
I’m sorry I was late because I was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.
I’m sorry I was late because while I was brushing my teeth I squeezed too much toothpaste out of the tube and it took me a long time to get it all back in.
I was late because I feel like I’m in everyone’s way if I show up on time.
I was late because my dog ate my underwear and I didn’t have any clean ones to wear. I’ll be in after I do some laundry!
Sorry I was going so fast, officer, but my wife ran off with a state policeman and when I saw your flashing lights I didn’t stop because I thought you might be the trooper who is trying to bring her back to me.
Sorry I was going so fast, officer. I was leading in the Indianapolis 500…but I think I took a wrong turn!
Officer, thank you so much for stopping me; it was the only way I knew to get tickets to the 
Troopers’ Ball. (Hopefully, he will tell you he can’t give you any tickets because state troopers don’t have any Balls.)
Sorry I was going so fast, officer, but I have to go to the bathroom sooooo badly that I’m about to explode! Do you know of a restroom really close by that I can get to in the next 60 seconds?
Sorry I was going so fast, officer, but I was trying to get to the gas station in a hurry before I ran out of gas!
I have metal fillings in my teeth. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen. That’s why I can’t lose weight.
Sorry my taxes were late…I thought it was my accountant’s job to file the tax return.
I didn’t file my income tax returns because I was unable to determine which tax form to use
I didn’t know that I was required to report the money I embezzled as income on my tax returns.
I made a mistake and really believed I wouldn’t do it again. It must have been a brain fart thing that caused me to do it again.
I can’t pay you in regular money but I was wondering if I could do so with MONOPOLY MONEY.
Sources:
About.com: Family Crafts (http://familycrafts.about.com/od/thingscostumes/a/hclameexcuse.htm)
MadTBone.tripod.com: The Mother of All Excuses Place (www.madtbone.tripod.com)
TheWorkBuzz.com: Lame Excuses (www.theworkbuzz.com/fun-stuff/lame-excuses)
© Angela Cramer, 2008-2009
Photos are the property of Angela Cramer.
Clip art is the property of Jupiterimages made available through subscription:
© Jupiterimages Corporation, 2008-2009 www.clipart.com
0 Responses to “Lame Excuse for Halloween”