Winks from Creator/God

May 28, 2009God wink1

Winks from Creator/God

Keeping faith that everything is happening and unfolding according to a Divine plan has been a very challenging concept to practice and maintain, particularly in the past 5 years. I have been told, and have often felt, like I’ve been a walking case of Murphy’s Law…in that anything that can go wrong, has gone wrong. Yet, there is a small niggling somewhere in my mind that perhaps this experience which feels and seems so awful and bleak will somehow lead to something amazing and wonderful. That’s the way it was with my divorce, so why shouldn’t my brain injury journey be the same?

The difficult part of having faith is that it’s so much easier to look back after going through a difficult time and saying, “Wow, isn’t it amazing that everything worked out well and better than I could ever have hoped!” It’s much more difficult to keep a smile on your face and profess that your life is going wonderfully well and just as Creator/God has planned while you are actually knee deep in manure on this arduous trek. The “manure” which is swirling around me right now includes: approximately $130,000 worth of medical debt, termination of my disability pension, lack of any income, a decision from the bank as to whether I qualify for any kind of assistance so that I can stay in my home or whether they will foreclose, a 3 to 4 mud bath2month wait to see if I qualify for SSI, and an undetermined wait as to how long SERS (school employees retirement system) will drag out my appeal of their decision to terminate my disability pension.

While some people may have an inherently positive/optimistic personality even in the face swimming in such sewage, I am one who needs a little more encouragement or some kind of reassurance that things are going to work out okay. I would like to believe I received 3 such messages of encouragement/reassurance over the past month.

Some people might call these positive types of experiences a coincidence, the answer to a prayer or simply an incident with unlikely odds.  SQuire Rushnell calls them “Godwinks.” He says that these uplifting happenings are a way in which God “winks” at us and leads us to precisely where we need to be in life or to the right people and/or opportunities at just the right time. (For more about this, visit his GODWINK STORIES™ at http://www.beliefnet.com on Mondays and Wednesday or read his book, When God Winks at You.)

I’d like to share with you my recent “unusual” experiences and ask you what you think.

Wink #1: One of my neighbors, whom I’ll call Alicia, frequently brings me meals. Although we did not know each other very well prior to my accident, when she found out about my circumstances and the difficulty I had with fixing meals, she took it upon herself to fix an extra plate of food every now and then to share with me. The thought and love which she puts into these special plates are amazing and she seems to show up on my doorstep with them at times when I’m at my lowest.

A few weeks ago, she brought me some dinner and told me that her 14 yr. old car finally died, and that she was hoping to find a reasonably priced used car in good condition. The next morning she called and asked if she could come over because she had something for me. It was very unusual that she was coming over in the morning. When I opened the door, she handed me a check for $1,000 made out to the County Treasurer’s Office. She said that she was able to find a car and had not used all of the money she had set aside for it. She got online and noticed that I was behind on my property taxes and decided to give me the check so I could get current on my taxes. Alicia is woman who not only has a strong relationship with God, she also is a true embodiment of love, compassion and generosity.

Wink #2: Around this same time I was feeling very anxious about wondering how long I would be without income while SERS makes a decision on my appeal. I thought about this sleezy mortgage company I had taken out my mortgage with right after I got divorced. They ended up charging me $13,000 more than they should have. A lawyer looked over the documents and told me it wasn’t worth trying to sue them and that I should just find another more reputable company. A couple years later, I unexpectedly received a check in the mail for a few hundred dollars. The check was for money recovered from a class action lawsuit against this mortgage company. And, it had come precisely at a time when I was having difficulties paying bills. A couple years after that, I received another check from them, once again arriving at a time when I was experiencing some financial difficulty. This last check came about 7 or 8 years ago.

With my current financial situation weighing heavily on my mind, I began thinking “Gee, I wish I would get another check from that class action lawsuit.” The very next day there was a check in my mailbox from the class action lawsuit for $560!!!

Wink #3: Yesterday, a friend and I packed our cameras and went to “happy hour with the butterflies.” We have discovered that the special evening butterfly events are the best times for me to attend since there are “adults only” which makes for fewer people, much less noise and, therefore, less overstimulation. One of the most amazing and beautiful butterflies there was a blue morpho butterfly. Some of the staff told us that it is extremely difficult to get a picture of this particular butterfly. Its beauty is breathtaking as it flits actively around the exhibit, but as soon as it lands, it usually closes its wings, displaying its less attractive dark brown underside.

As I sat watching it flit around, I said a prayer and asked God to send me a message to me that everything will be okay by letting the butterfly land on me. Within 10 minutes this incredible blue butterfly landed on my shoulder! A few people gathered around me taking pictures of it. Fortunately, my friend was among them, poised with her camera to capture this astonishing occurrence.Butterfly on my shoulder02 2009

Butterfly on my shoulder05 2009Butterfly on my shoulder 2009

Question: What do you think? Are these reassurances from God or simply a string of very fortunate/interesting events?

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Blessings, and thank you.

© Angela Cramer, 2008-2009

Sky picture and clipart are the property of Jupiterimages made available through subscription:
© Jupiterimages Corporation, 2008-2009 www.clipart.com

Butterfly pictures taken by my friend, Missy Black, © 2009


13 Responses to “Winks from Creator/God”

  1. 1 gentlesong
    May 28, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    absolutely… you have been winked at.

    next time you start to question, pull up the photos of the butterfly on you and remember that you asked and received confirmation that all will be fine! have faith!

    • 2 william j. barnette
      May 28, 2009 at 3:30 pm

      I take it as God’s working with you at a very difficult time. My late wife Myra always said that we must TIGAPA Trust in God and push ahead. I am having some of the same struggles that you are. My neuropsychologist or is that my psychoneurologist, Dr. G, has recently examined and tested me, but he has not yet decided on whether I can go back to work yet. Currently I am teaching two English 103 classes at Southern State Community College, as well as tutoring one afternoon a week. I am really enjoying the working, but I have to prepare for several exigencies. If he says I am still 100% disabled, then I will not be able to work at all. If he decides I can work, I will be very happy, but I would have no job. Thus like you I have to wait on God’s will for the remainder of my life. Remember the TIGAPA. It will all work out! Trust God and He will never let you down. Even when others do desert you, He won’t.

      • May 29, 2009 at 2:24 am

        Thanks for your comment, William. I’ve never heard of “TIGAPA” before…that’s a new one for me.

        By the way, I like the way you switched neuropsychologist and turned it into “psycho-neurologist.” I still have reservations about their strengths/abilities as a professional dealing with people with MTBI….or maybe it’s simply that I have a somewhat uncommon neurological condition, Basilar Artery migraines, which causes symptoms in which most of these professionals diagnose me with somatoform disorder. My psychiatrist explained in a very lengthy letter how many of these professionals diagnose this on the basis of a screening tool (the MMPI) and neglect to take it further to see if the person actually meets the criterion for somatoform. At some point I will post this information, since there are probably quite a few people with brain injuries/neurological problems who get mis-diagnosed from “psycho-neurologists.” Actually, this is a great part of the problem….psychologists who think too highly of themselves since they are NOT medical doctors. Not to mention the medical doctors who think they are psychiatrists! What a mess…..but I digress.

        Best of luck to you with regards to your teaching and your neuropsych exam. Hope to see you soon.

        And thanks again for the encouragement!

    • May 29, 2009 at 2:01 am

      Yes, I will need to keep both the picture of the butterfly AND the swan feather close by!

  2. May 28, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    I am nort religious but spiritual. I think it was a bit more than a wink from god, it was a moment of your need answered by the universe. i am not saying it was not god, because for some ike yourself god is the universe. and good energy like yourself attracts good energy. your guardian spirits were probably having something to do with the checks coming in the mail.i think if you do not think bad things will happen and trust the universe or your creater will take care of you it probably will, you wont keep gettng unexpected checks in the mail but more likely like words of encouragement from true friends or finding unexpected change in your couch. I would b interested in reading of these personal victories and successes you uncover in your Blog. you should be able to have at least one per day even if it is waking from a nightmare or a day with the manure swirling around. you should find at least one, it may take some investigating, but even Murphy’s law can not deny you of one personal victories.

    – michael

    • May 29, 2009 at 2:59 am

      It’s always good to hear from you, Michael. I, too, like to take a more spiritual look at these occurrences, which is why I often use words like The Creator/The Divine/The Universe. It is fascinating to think about the many different reasons as to why I experienced what I did. What is probably most important is to find a way to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Something that is easy to do when we have these “positive”experiences.

      It becomes more difficult when we are experiencing events which we perceive as “negative.” These are the times when it is important to have some kind of strategy (or several strategies) for coping with the tough times. Like your example of acknowledging at least one personal victory per day! And when that becomes difficult, it helps to turn to friends for support and encouragement when we become tired, hopeless or have difficulty remembering those worthwhile times.

  3. 7 Becca
    May 28, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Hey, every time I reply to your email it bounces back 😦

    Loved your blog…so true. The same thing happened to me in a different way. Just a few little winks.

    • May 29, 2009 at 3:04 am

      Becca, What were the few little winks that you experienced? I think it’s very healthy and important to recognize those little winks that happen pretty frequently, rather than waiting for the big ones that have to hit you over the head to get your attention.

  4. 9 Laura
    May 28, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    I feel like sharing a Mother Teresa quote that was the only thing that made me smile when I thought I had forgotten how (combination of bad events and muscle damage to my right side made it actually hard)
    “God only gives you what he trusts you can handle. Wish he didn’t trust me so much.”


    • May 29, 2009 at 3:09 am

      Laura, I appreciate the quote! I can’t tell you how many times people have basically said to me that I wouldn’t be given these challenges if I couldn’t handle them!!! Which left me thinking that very thought…..Wish he didn’t trust me so much OR why can’t he pick on someone else for a while?????

  5. 11 brendaa
    May 30, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    my daughter has abi,I read all your emails and blogs then tell Emma.I think they give her hope, its hard to tell.I just wanted to say how sorry i am for all the troubles you are having i will pray that every thing turns out allright love Brenda

    • May 30, 2009 at 8:53 pm

      Brenda, Thanks so much for sharing your comment with me. I can see from the stats associated with my blog that there are a lot of people visiting my site, but I really don’t know how I’m affecting others. Your comment helps answer that question for me.

      I started writing in part because it was therapy for me — this blog gave me the chance to say whatever it is I want to say. I try hard to be a positive influence or voice — that’s the social worker part of me.

      It’s really been hard since my life changed — I can’t do the things I did before, can’t hold down a job, etc. Our society is so caught up in what we do for a living, once you’re out of that sphere, it is so easy to feel like your life doesn’t have meaning and that you don’t have value as a person. So I write this blog because it provides a way for me to feel that I still have something important to contribute.

      How old is Emma? How did she acquire her brain injury? If either you or Emma would like to email me privately, please feel free to do so by contacting me at twilightinsight@gmail.com. I would love to hear from both or either of you – either through my website or privately. Whatever you’d feel most comfortable with.

      Thank you for your prayers. I get so discouraged sometimes by the amount of battles I’ve had to fight. I find myself saying “Why me?” and “Why so many problems?” I try to remind myself that if I want to be a really good advocate for brain injury and understand all the various ways that brain injury can impact a person’s life and what kind of help is out there, there’s no better teacher than personal experience. (Maybe I should just think about being a “good” advocate instead of a “really good” advocate!)

      Thanks again, Brenda. I look forward to hearing from you again.


  6. 13 Niecie
    December 30, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    Wow, I love that story. That is so wonderful and encouraging. I believe that is a wink from a higher power. Angela I am praying for you. I pray that God keeps you safe in his arms and that everything works out good for you.


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